Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tear Drop

I presumed that my vacation was what I needed most of all to heal me. What I ended up discovering is that what weighs on you can make you stronger, brings you closer to those around you... building bonds with family and enlighten you in areas that were filled with shadow or doubt.

Even though I was on vacation, my mind was not at peace. Each day tolled and mounded on top of each other giving me the feeling of dread. The one thing I can always rely on is my knitting. I cast-on for the newest Rockin' Sock Club colorway Goody Goody in the pattern named Gumdrop.

I however have decided to call them my Tear Drop Socks.

Waking up at an unholy hour and boarding a plan at 6:15 a.m. is just wrong... and especially on a Monday. I pulled out my sock and started knitting. With each stitch I felt stronger. With each pattern line I felt braver. My tears fell and my heart stilled weighed heavy.

It wasn't until I entered the funeral home that I felt whole. With my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, aunts and uncles all surrounding me... I felt at home.

It's not easy losing a loved one. Especially when you feel that you just didn't get enough time. I felt like I really wanted to know her better and have tons of questions and yearn for answers.

I'm also hoping that when I pass, my existing family will celebrate my life to the hilt with an Irish Wake. I want everyone drinking, singing, dancing and telling of tales, memories and reminiscing the good'o days. Yes it's sad, but I want to go out with a bang!

Patricia M. Carlson
May 8, 1925 - August 20, 2008

My Grandmother was a pretty special lady. More then I think I will ever know. She was strong, brave and the rock in our family. I was lucky to have known her and will aways cherish the times we've spent together. And as a tribute to her, our whole family stood up at the service and sang...

When Irish eyes are smiling
Sure it's like a morn in spring
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angles sing
When Irish hearts are happy
All the world seems bright and gay
And when Irish eyes are smiling
Sure they still your heart away


Laurelena said...

*big Hugs*

I'm so sorry Kris. Losing a loved one IS hard and I have not the remedy to make it better. But I do know that you are right to see the strength and love of your family. It is for that, we are glad. And your grandmother sees this too.
Take the time to think on her, to mourn and to heal.

We are all here for you.

A :-) said...

Kris - I am so very sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like she was an amazing woman. I can very much see you in her smiling face.

Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

Knitterary said...


Her Irish eyes are smiling through you.

dreamsweaver said...

I am sure she loved you just as much as you loved her. She will always be with you.

She must have been very proud of the woman you have become. ((( Hugs)))

KathyR said...

I'm so sorry that you have lost a loved. Please know that my thoughts are with you. {{{hugs}}}